In the workplace, it’s easy to think we have to choose between being nice or being direct. But the truth is, the people who communicate most effectively usually do both.
We show that we value the person and the relationship when we lead with warmth. When we follow with assertiveness, we show that we value clarity and accountability. Together, they build trust, and that’s where real influence lives.
My friend and ombuds colleague Susan Casino sums it up beautifully: “Effective communication is being direct and kind.” That balance doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but we can practice it.
I’ve seen it play out countless times. A conversation that starts with genuine curiosity (“Can you walk me through your thinking?”) opens the door to feedback that might otherwise trigger defensiveness. And the moments when I’ve been both kind and clear? Those are usually the moments that move things forward.
Try this:
The next time you need to have a challenging conversation, connect before you correct.
“I really appreciate the effort that went into this. Can I share one thought about how we might strengthen it?”
Or if you’re giving feedback on a recurring issue:
“I know this process has a lot of moving parts. I’d like to talk through one piece that keeps creating a snag so we can find a smoother approach.”
It’s not about softening your message; it’s about creating enough trust for it to be heard.
In the end, communication isn’t about choosing between being respected or being liked; it’s about showing that you care enough to be clear. That’s what turns everyday interactions into real trust-building moments.
Warmth earns trust. Assertiveness earns progress. The magic happens when you bring both to the table.
This post is part of our Ombuzz series exploring themes from the book Likeable Badass, a reminder that influence grows strongest when warmth and confidence work hand in hand.
By: Elizabeth S. Hill, MWI Director of Communications and Development and Co-editor of Ombuzz